Reconciliation

Dear friends. This is Annie. I apologize I haven’t been very communicative the last few months. In truth, I’ve been introverted for a long stretch. But recently have been coming out again relationally, creatively, joyfully. There’s so much that happens every day that I will have to share many stories when we get back. But today I’ll pick up from here.

Tommorow is my last day with my third graders. I decided to declare defeat in my war for control over the class. I believe I lost my footing with them in the very beginning of the school year. I was shocked and horrified as a first time teacher. I didn’t know how to use my authority as the teacher. So, after some errors, I lost it with some key students. Ever since then, it was war. I was always armed and ready with my authority artillery. They put on their fearless rebel armor and had the advantage of influencing the class. They usually succeeded in making the class hours and my life both in and out of the class just MISERABLE.

There was a point when “Renunciar” was on my lips. Just one thing would have tipped me over the edge to quit. Maybe the only thing that was stopping me was that I didn’t want to lose to them (Btw, this challenge has revealed a whole lot of vices and faults in myself; impatience, lack of control, anger, hatred, ugliness etc. and how easily sin follows). Over and over I had to confess to God and ask for love, strength, forgiveness, for mercy(!), for perseverance, and for Godliness! I desperately needed all these. At a certain point, I surrendered in my heart. I decided to finish the school year, but also with a more faithful attitude.

Only afterwards, of course, the Lord opened a door for me. The principal knew I was suffering. Unbeknowest to me, she started making back up arrangements to enable a teacher transition if I should wish it. Looking at the other teacher’s abilities, the circumstances and the timing, I took the opportunity in faith. And I have such peace and a different attitude towards them. Tomorrow we’re going to all celebrate with a farewell party. But for me it’s a “fiesta de reconciliacion”.

3 thoughts on “Reconciliation

  1. Steve Morrison

    Dear Annie,
    What a challenge it must have been to battle with the kids. Reading of them made me think of my own son Joseph, who could be one of those rebellious kids.
    Daily I pray for Joseph. Like you, I confess to God and ask for love, strength, foriveness, and perseverance. Like you, I decided to surrender everything to God long time ago, but it isn’t easy.
    I will pray for your time there, and hopefully things will brighten up for you and Shin. Take care.

    Steve Morrison

  2. Nasim

    Hey annie and shin! how are you 2? i hope things are getting better…;/ We miss you! we just had a retreat..we wish you was there! well gl with the mission trip! missing you lots!
    ~~Nasim

  3. Elizabeth

    hi annie!
    🙁 i’m sorry it didn’t work with the third graders…they really were a lot to handle, especially alone. are you still teaching 4th, 7th, and 8th? in my opinion, 7th was worst haha. i hope that you are doing well and that teaching will become a better experience without 3rd grade. i miss you, annie! you and everyone in paraguay are always in my prayers. i love you!

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