Dear friends. This is Annie. I apologize I haven’t been very communicative the last few months. In truth, I’ve been introverted for a long stretch. But recently have been coming out again relationally, creatively, joyfully. There’s so much that happens every day that I will have to share many stories when we get back. But today I’ll pick up from here.
Tommorow is my last day with my third graders. I decided to declare defeat in my war for control over the class. I believe I lost my footing with them in the very beginning of the school year. I was shocked and horrified as a first time teacher. I didn’t know how to use my authority as the teacher. So, after some errors, I lost it with some key students. Ever since then, it was war. I was always armed and ready with my authority artillery. They put on their fearless rebel armor and had the advantage of influencing the class. They usually succeeded in making the class hours and my life both in and out of the class just MISERABLE.
There was a point when “Renunciar” was on my lips. Just one thing would have tipped me over the edge to quit. Maybe the only thing that was stopping me was that I didn’t want to lose to them (Btw, this challenge has revealed a whole lot of vices and faults in myself; impatience, lack of control, anger, hatred, ugliness etc. and how easily sin follows). Over and over I had to confess to God and ask for love, strength, forgiveness, for mercy(!), for perseverance, and for Godliness! I desperately needed all these. At a certain point, I surrendered in my heart. I decided to finish the school year, but also with a more faithful attitude.
Only afterwards, of course, the Lord opened a door for me. The principal knew I was suffering. Unbeknowest to me, she started making back up arrangements to enable a teacher transition if I should wish it. Looking at the other teacher’s abilities, the circumstances and the timing, I took the opportunity in faith. And I have such peace and a different attitude towards them. Tomorrow we’re going to all celebrate with a farewell party. But for me it’s a “fiesta de reconciliacion”.